It's kinda of weird feeling. I am numb now. No more tears when i tell my close friends of what had happen. In fact, i don't really feel anything when i am writing this down.

Am i trying to escape the reality or is because i have accepted the fact that this relationship has change and is not the same as before?

I don't know how i feel now. Knowing the fact that is 50-50% of what is going to happen to us seems to be a very scary thing for me initially. But now, i really think that if our fate is up. Then, there is no point to stay at the same point forever. Why make ppl ard me worried? Why do i have to cry till my eyes puff up till my double eyelid is gone? If our fate is still there, then it will be great cos i still love him deeply.

I make my own choice how i shd live my life be it happy or sad, it is a day. Why not live it happily?

For now, i just have to wait for the final decision to be made. I had given myself a timeline on till when i can wait for his answer. And i had told him abt it. Hopefully, by then he can be able to make the decision rationally. If not, i dunno what will happen then.

I have accepted the worse case scenario and slowly trying to move on from now so it happens to be the worse at least i am prepare for it. If it turn out to be the better, then i guess i may even happier then.

Still hoping for the best through.. :)