Well, i didn't sleep very well last nite. Was very emotional. Arrggghh.. I hate the me now!

I think i at most sleep for 2 hrs and went to sch to relief. This time got to wear specs to cover up my puffy eyes. The puffiest eyes i ever had.

An interesting fact that i discover today is that it was very puffy in the morning and it gets less puffy as every hr pass by. Ha~ It's half the size this morning.

Something that i thought i had all along is missing. The fear of losing it which so precious to me is tearing me apart. It is hard to accept the fact that it is so sudden and almost out of nowhere. It is so near yet so far away.

I really don't know how long i can take this. I don't want my parents or friends to worry about me. I told them a white lie yesterday.

It's the uncertainty that is really killing me. I don't know every call he make is b'cos he is worried b'cos he loves me or b'cos he thinks it's his responsibility. How i wish every call that he make to ask abt me is b'cos he loves me and not abt responsibility.

The more call he makes, the more i feel hurt. I want him to be genuine to me. I no longer want an "i dunno, don't ask me" answer.

Not only that, i am also worried abt him on what he is going through and worried that this will affect his studies.

To be frank, i didn't wanna let go of the hug yesterday. It feel so gd but it was so heartbreaking at the thought that it may b the last time i hug him as my bf. I love him so deeply that i think i care more abt him than for myself. I feel so helpless and sad that i can't even do anything to lessen his load but worse to add on and mix up his thoughts.

Love is so near yet so far. I thought 幸福可以很简单。真得可以吗？我现在不知道了！

我真得还很爱他的！可是他还爱我吗？我真得真得很想知道。